Some people call that "news"
CNN.com (your news without all that bothersome proofreading) has published an article blowing the lid off what's sure to be remembered as one of 2005's biggest scandals: reduced-sugar breakfast cereal. According to CNN's daring probe, reduced-sugar versions of Froot Loops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Frosted Flakes are still not nutritiously sound. How could this be?! Well, if it's on CNN, it must be true. Apparently these boxes that proudly state the percentage of sugar reduced are also trying to convince hapless shoppers (subliminally, it appears) that the cereal is more nutritious than their fully-sugared brethren. "You're supposed to think it's healthy," cries a nutrition professor quoted in the article. "This is about marketing. It is about nothing else. It is not about kids' health."
My first thought upon reading this major scoop was that the quoted nutrition professor had apparently breezed through Pontificating the Obvious 401 but had failed to ever complete a Home Economics course. Then I had a less judgemental thought. "Wait a minute. My fiance does most of the shopping because she knows how easily I get lost. Maybe I'm out of touch with the common American shopper. Perhaps I should reevaluate the situation from a different point of view." So I filled an old tennis shoe with Grape Nuts & skim milk and hit myself in the head with it for about 9 hours and thought about things again. My roughly translated reappraisal:
"Um...ow. Huh-huh. Uh, so I bought the new Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 'cause they said it had 75% less sugar, so I figured the cereal people must've filled the extra space with protein and fiber and whatever else the AMA says will lengthen my life this week. But then Woody Bernstein over at CNN told me no, 'less sugar' just means 'less sugar'. Now I feel raped. Mouth-raped. How dare you, evil cereal people? HOW DARE YOU?!"
Come on, people! It's Cinnamon Toast Crunch, fer chrissakes! If you are deluded enough to think that a crappy kids' cereal--reduced sugar or no--could ever be tatamount to a healthy diet you shouldn't be doing the shopping for your family, and may need to arrange for assisted living for yourself. We allow corporate marketing to slip questionable things into our bodies through half-truths and fine print every day, and when they come up with a straightforward and, dare I say, honest gimmick to sell cereal we attack them because some over-educated fool with a common sense deficency thinks that by reducing the sugar content of cereal the Breakfast-Industrial Complex is trying to convince the shopping populace that they can transmute shit into gold. Apparently this evil scheme was foiled when the journalist (or maybe my new favorite professor) read the nutritional content labels of the cereals in question, an act the article implies the vast majority of American shoppers are totally incapable of comprehending. I'm sorry, but if you are unwilling or unable to read product labels you should not be allowed in a grocery store. That's how I feel. If morbid stupidity is truly so rampant, I think it's time we start legislating against it. Sure, it's a hard line, but it'll save future generations an awful lot of headaches, and isn't that the best gift we can give them? You know, apart from a healthier planet and a wider choice of reality shows?
This post was brought to you by CNN. CNN: Sometimes news is stupid.
My first thought upon reading this major scoop was that the quoted nutrition professor had apparently breezed through Pontificating the Obvious 401 but had failed to ever complete a Home Economics course. Then I had a less judgemental thought. "Wait a minute. My fiance does most of the shopping because she knows how easily I get lost. Maybe I'm out of touch with the common American shopper. Perhaps I should reevaluate the situation from a different point of view." So I filled an old tennis shoe with Grape Nuts & skim milk and hit myself in the head with it for about 9 hours and thought about things again. My roughly translated reappraisal:
"Um...ow. Huh-huh. Uh, so I bought the new Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 'cause they said it had 75% less sugar, so I figured the cereal people must've filled the extra space with protein and fiber and whatever else the AMA says will lengthen my life this week. But then Woody Bernstein over at CNN told me no, 'less sugar' just means 'less sugar'. Now I feel raped. Mouth-raped. How dare you, evil cereal people? HOW DARE YOU?!"
Come on, people! It's Cinnamon Toast Crunch, fer chrissakes! If you are deluded enough to think that a crappy kids' cereal--reduced sugar or no--could ever be tatamount to a healthy diet you shouldn't be doing the shopping for your family, and may need to arrange for assisted living for yourself. We allow corporate marketing to slip questionable things into our bodies through half-truths and fine print every day, and when they come up with a straightforward and, dare I say, honest gimmick to sell cereal we attack them because some over-educated fool with a common sense deficency thinks that by reducing the sugar content of cereal the Breakfast-Industrial Complex is trying to convince the shopping populace that they can transmute shit into gold. Apparently this evil scheme was foiled when the journalist (or maybe my new favorite professor) read the nutritional content labels of the cereals in question, an act the article implies the vast majority of American shoppers are totally incapable of comprehending. I'm sorry, but if you are unwilling or unable to read product labels you should not be allowed in a grocery store. That's how I feel. If morbid stupidity is truly so rampant, I think it's time we start legislating against it. Sure, it's a hard line, but it'll save future generations an awful lot of headaches, and isn't that the best gift we can give them? You know, apart from a healthier planet and a wider choice of reality shows?
This post was brought to you by CNN. CNN: Sometimes news is stupid.
posted by Yomper at 6:36 AM
1 Comments:
I am the one who does the shoppng in my house and I wasn't fooled by the low sugar cereal. I just got it cuz it's less sugar and that is that, it is still a treat for the "sugar" cereals in my house. and not to mention a cheap snack!
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