Friday Fiver: Day Is Done

Well folks, I tried, but I just couldn't bring myself to go a whole year without blogging. That's not Slack...that's defeat! So, because you waited 350-some-odd days for me to come up with anything gripping enough to post, I give you...the Friday Fiver.

1. Last party you went to?
That's an easy one--Chris & Jenn's 19th annual birthday bash! Yes, we've been getting together and getting seriously goofy for 19 years straight. And yes, the recovery period is getting longer and longer. In days of olde one of the rituals of the "core group" was to assemble a collection of alcoholic oddities far too vast for actual consumption. (One standout example of this was a 6-pack of "Purple Passion" I purchased one year, which was basically grape soda made near-toxic with Everclear. They hung around until another of the core group drank them...at the following year's party!) This year I consumed an astounding two drinks. Hand me down my walkin' cane.

2. Do you pee in the shower?
Almost never. I do, however, pee in pools, public fountains, punchbowls, upturned umbrellas, tubas, beehive hair-dos, microwave ovens, humidifiers, dehumidifiers, air conditioners, kitchen sinks, neighbors' garden hoses, dumbwaiters, and Chinese take-out cartons. I'm a guy; the world is my urinal.

3. Have you ever fired a gun?
Many times. My father is a sportsman, and for many years functioned as the regional "range officer", conducting firearms training and certification for the area's US Immigration officers. I have shot with him many times. I started off with shotguns and rifles. In the 80s Immigration officers began carrying weapons, and I learned to fire my dad's police-issue .38. About 10 years later they switched to semi-automatic .45s, and I learned to shoot that as well, going through many of the training exercises the Immigration officers have to pass to carry their weapons, including drawing and shooting from the hip, hitting a point-blank target with 3 rounds in 2 seconds. I hit myself in the gut with the slide once. Once. The resulting grapefruit-sized purple bruise taught me a valuable lesson: hold the gun at your side, not in front of you, idiot!

4. Where do you call home?

Could be Jerusalem, or it could be Cairo
Could be Berlin, or it could be Prague
Could be Moscow, could be New York
Could be Llanelli, and it could be Warrington
Could be Warsaw, and it could be Moose Jaw
Could be Rome
Everybody got somewhere they call home

When they overrun the defences
A minor invasion put down to expenses
Will you go down to the airport lounge?
Will you accept your second class status?
A nation of waitresses and waiters
Will you mix their martinis?
Will you stand still for it?
Or will you take to the hills?

--Roger Waters, "Home"

5. What's your favorite board game?
Monopoly! Yahtzee is right up there, too. I've got very fond memories of large groups of my family gathered around my grandparents' kitchen table playing Yahtzee into the night. Another honorable mention would be Anti-Monopoly, a fairly obscure game my Uncle Jimmy got me for Christmas when I was a kid, which I should still have at my parents' house. My grandmother and I played lots of Monopoly together, and she was nice enough to let me win most of the time. Once when I was about 14 I was bragging to my father about how I almost always beat my grandmother at checkers; he cocked an eyebrow at me and said, "You know, the only reason you ever win at checkers with your Gramma is because she lets you." As it turns out, my grandmother was a bona fide board game master, nationaly ranked in competitive Chinese checkers and able to finish that Hi-Q game with one peg in the center hole. After learning this I sat down at the checkerboard with her and asked her not to spare me, just to play as good a game as she was capable of. The resulting slaughter would've made Patton stand up and salute. That was the day the term "crushing defeat" entered my vocabulary. Gramma, your kung fu is the best!!